It is said that God made
men in Mars and women in Venus, thus both sexes incorporating the respective
masculine and feminine energies of the planets. Pole opposites, the union of
the 2 made earth an interesting & volatile place to be.
For centuries men and women
have been trying to meet on a common plane and understand each other’s quirks.
It takes years to crack the code. It took me precisely 29 years. Well,
technically the first 5 didn’t count. My first boyfriend was in kindergarten,
and he and I once shared the same nailpolish shade. That was the main issue in
our kindergarten relationship. Life was so much simpler back then!
So in order to crack the ‘male
code’ there are a few things we as women need to understand about how the male
mind works. One can never guarantee a 100% success, but a few tips will
definitely save us some heartbreak and stress!
RULE # 1: THEY chase. When we chase, they run.
Pretty straightforward- Until
you have the guy wrapped around your finger, blindly & madly in love with
you, the chase will continue. It’s knowing that they can’t have something is
what drives them to chase it. So don’t think messaging or calling, or following
up is sweet or thoughtful. The only message you’re sending is- “I’m available.
Boring. Next.” Short of being a bitch is what a girl needs to be. Women often
complain- “But oh, I hate playing games. I like things simple.” Honey- if life
were that simple, everyone would be happily married and divorce lawyers would be
out of business!
Let HIM call or message you
first. Let him initiate a plan. You volunteer restaurant/ venue information. If
he doesn’t follow up after the date- he really ISN’T into you! When a man knows
he wants something, he will make sure he gets it. The bonus card you have is if
you’re hot. Then you can get away with that extra bit of sweetness and
availability.
I marvel at some dynamics
and realize there is a pattern here. Why ugly chicks get hot guys and hot
chicks end up with so-so nerdy boys. 9 out of 10 couples fall into this
category. Ugly chicks somehow feign attitude, because they know that’s all they’ve
got. And that sends the hot men running towards them!
RULE #2: Don’t put out on the first date.
All men have this image of
their perfect women mirroring their mother, the one woman in his life who’s
given him everything from birth and put him up on a pedestal, no matter what.
So when a girl decides to
‘give her all’ on the first date in the bedroom hoping to snag the guy, she’s
actually pushed him right out the door! Men never respect women who physically
give themselves up too soon, because that’s the kind of girl they would NOT
want to bring home to mommy. They might say otherwise “No, it’s cool how
liberal and open you are.” What they’re thinking is- “Booty call, till however
long it lasts!”
Men are intrigued by women
who don’t put out on the first few dates (at least the first two). For them the
chase gets more interesting and the final goal seems further away. And in all
this time spent with the girl in order to reach this ‘final goal’ they end up
falling in love! And boom- you’ve netted the guy! But it isn’t that easy. If
you wait too long, the man can lose interest and look for other prey. It’s a
fine line and one needs to know how to hold the man’s interest without giving
too much too soon.
RULE #3: He needs to know everything that is going on inside my
head- NOT TRUE!
Men are said to have a
limited threshold for information. That is why you see male bonding over beer,
loud music, video games and clubbing. Less talk; more adrenaline. Whereas a
girl’s night is not complete without a gossip session with her besties about
the latest catch, why he hasn’t called, and figuring out his whereabouts
through facebook.
So when a girl needs to
explain her point of view to her man, she needs to do it with minimum amount of
words. Because long sentences just gets lost on them! He will pick up on the
tone and manner of your speech and react to that, not the crux of it. So it
will come across as nagging, yelling, finger pointing, when all you wanted to
explain to him was WHY you felt a certain way.
Better still, why don’t you
put him in your shoes? Replay what he did to you and see how he reacts.
If you got jealous about him talking to a girl at a bar, next time look your
hottest self and throw smiles at guys around. If they see you’re not with
anyone, someone is bound to come up to you. Or flirt with the bartender (only
if he’s cute). This will definitely tweak his strings. A proud man will never
bring it up, but if you’re in an honest relationship, he will bring it up in a
round about manner. When he realizes how it makes him feel, chances are it
won’t be repeated, or in the near future at least!
Yes, playing games is
exhausting. But if fairytales really did exist, the earth would turn diabetic,
and well, the balance would be disrupted.
Rule #4: The world is mine, not his.
No matter how much we love
him, how our heart is going to BURST out of our chest every time we see him,
how we want ‘Titanic moments’ with him, remember there was a life before him
and there is no reason why that should be pushed aside for something that’s not
written in stone. Meet your close friends, do the same things you enjoy doing-
just work harder at your time management skills. Easier said than done of
course. Women become emotional puppets and any less time spent with their man
means there’s a flaw in the relationship. Do you see a man give up his golf
game or drinks with his buddies for a night out with you? He knows he has you;
you’re not going anywhere, unless of course you’re dying of cancer in which
case your days together are numbered.
So why can’t you still
attend that class you enjoy? Or keep that once in a week outing with your
girlfriends? It keeps you alive and that time apart from your man only makes
you both want to be with each other more. He will love and respect you more
knowing you have an independent life and CAN walk out on him whenever you want.
Sadly there are other
extreme cases where women are so financially independent that they don’t have
the patience to stay in a relationship when things go awry. In such instances,
the next step is divorce.
RULE #5: Give him what he’s missing
Give him what he can’t get
in the market. Yes, men do bore easy, but so do we! In order to keep the zest
in the relationship, try different things that you wouldn’t otherwise. Wear
that dress you’ve been holding onto in your closet for that ‘special occasion.’
Or take him to dinner to places you don’t regularly visit. Surprise him.
This goes to say in the
bedroom as well. Sadly, men are genetically tuned to spread their seed. It
comes naturally to them, which is of course when the affairs begin. So keep him
hooked and wanting more. Remind him why he was attracted to you in the first
place! You have that one up over the other women- he loves YOU.
Give him a relaxing massage
when he comes back home from work, or prepare a nice dinner with the promise of
‘dessert’ in the bedroom later. I know this all sounds cliché, but knowing he that has all this comfort to come home to (minus the nagging), why would he look for
anything else? Provided the ‘dessert’ is the highlight of his night! Make his
fantasies come alive by dressing up as one of his favourite comic/movie
characters. Princess Leia seemed to work with Ross in Friends. Fiction, but it
might work!
But more importantly, be
confident of who you are. Men seem to smell fear and neediness which eventually
sends them into the arms of a more confident woman, as they seem to find that
extremely appealing.
RULE #6: Man up, take charge.
Men do like to hold that
macho, protective role in a woman’s life. But they also want their woman to
take charge when it comes to decision-making. Whether it’s planning a trip,
deciding the dinner venue or holiday- contribute! A man would want an
intelligent woman around him who has an opinion of her own.
This of course doesn’t mean
that you become Little Miss Bossy! A study was conducted on askmen.com with
respect to bossy women, and how wearing the pants in a relationship could have
a lot to do with how frequently they get into their partner’s! Quote: “For
starters, “bossy” women can be the opposite of attractive, and men might opt
for free porn on the net instead of climbing in bed with a nag like Peggy
Bundy.”(askmen.com).
So when he asks you to
suggest a restaurant or movie, come up with something, instead of ‘Darling,
whatever you like.’ This will frustrate him later. He may as well be having
that conversation with himself.
Having said that, it is not
advisable to go to the other extreme of never taking his input and constantly
putting forward your opinion without paying heed to his. Balance is key.
RULE #7: Unrealistic expectations only exist in the imagination
If he was never like this
from the beginning, how can you expect him to suddenly change and morph himself
into something he never was? Statements like ‘Oh you never buy me flowers.’ But
wait a minute- did he ever? Was it a daily/weekly habit? Even if so, it is
unrealistic to expect him to give you roses 365 days a year, unless he’s contesting for
Romeo’s role. And I don’t think even Romeo gave Juliet that
many flowers!
Men LOVE being appreciated.
It is the one thing that makes them feel manly. If you belittle him and shoot him down for the one thing he tried to do for you because it ‘wasn’t good enough’
you’re not only questioning his manhood, but chances are he won’t try and do
the same thing for you again. Men cannot deal with failure.
On the other hand, if you
actually appreciate that the man has gone out of way to do this simple kind
thing for you, chances are it'll be even bigger next time!
Complaints like ‘You never
compliment me’ or ‘You never do what her husband does for her’ is all comparison.
Men hate being compared to others, and again this challenges his manhood. If he
doesn’t compliment you, someone else will! And why do you need validation from
your man when you know you’re looking pretty damn good? He’ll show you his
validation later in bed. Men have a different way of expressing themselves than
women. And it’s not with words. Only a few are the poem and love note variety, but
that much sap in a relationship can get nauseating after a while. It seems those
men have lost touch with their masculinity and stepped into our world!
Just the way you want him
to appreciate the goodness in you, try and appreciate the goodness in him.
It’ll take your relationship a long way.
I know most women would say
‘Why should we go through all the effort? Men should too.” The sad truth is
that men actually don’t give a damn. They don’t have that analytical gene in them
with which they analyse each and every action or word. We were born with it and if
there are tools given to us to use, we should use them well so that we don’t
plummet to our death out of sheer frustration! Because the truth is: You cannot
live with OR without them. (Holds good for both sexes actually). You may as
well play the game and enjoy it! Once you start seeing results, you will want
to continue playing. After all, it’s all about winning!
“Women are the more
emotionally stronger species of the two, and have the strength to carry a part
of them for 9 months. All women have this hidden strength that they are not
aware of.”
