Book of Rules

A simple thing like finding a partner comes with a book of rules. Everyone is looking to meet that ‘right’ person. But there seems to be a set of rules to follow, imparted on us by society and our parents. It’s all the conditioning, which results in internal conflict within an individual- a tug between our inner wants and what society demands of us.

For parents, the obvious worry is their son or daughter’s long-term happiness. They know kids of today don’t have room for compromise anymore. The rule book then becomes more voluminous. Money? Looks? Family background? Joint family? Education? Career? These are just the main dealbreakers that almost every person looks at before jumping into a long-term commitment. Then come the sub-breakers, which differ from person to person. Does he have a temper? Has he been divorced? History with women? Big nose, ugly hands. Any excuse to delay that impending decision of getting hitched with a stranger.

We are discussing arranged marriages here because in today’s society it has become a norm and not so frowned upon anymore. Parents want good families and their daughter’s choice of boy doesn’t seem to sit well with them.

Thus. with this book of rules romance is thrown out of the window. All the wooing, light flirting and ‘romancing’ is preceded by whether the boy will fit in well with the girl and her family, and then they can fall in love. And especially if the fit is good, well then they just have to.

But then one can look at it this way- if there wasn’t a book of rules, would there be more failed marriages? Possibly yes. The threshold of patience amongst young couples today is very minimal. A pre-planned match would probably see itself through a longer stretch of time, by matching all the elements for each individual. I am not talking about Astrology. That is a concept that has not penetrated my belief filter yet. If two kids with a similar upbringing, parental background and group of friends got married, chances are that union would last, simply because the two would understand each other better. Fewer reasons to compromise.

So that precious book of rules, as much as it is cursed by me and thousands of other people, plays an important role in marriage today. We difficult, rigid individuals need to play by this book of rules, or we’ll end up lost in the middle of a desert not knowing how and why we got there in the first place!

"Till death do us part? Or till however long I can stand you?”

Perks of Marriage

Every girl dreams of getting married; not because society demands it or because it’s the norm of today. No one delves into the reasons behind her choice, but instead pass comments like ‘Why on earth are you dying to get married??’ like it’s a crime to want to settle down. Instead of celebrating this big step in her life, she’s made out to be a pathetic and desperate cling-on.

There comes a point in a woman’s life when there are certain needs which she is looking to fulfill. And marriage, as over hyped and misjudged as it is, actually does fulfill those needs. Companionship. Security. Regular sex. Best friend for life.

At a certain stage everyone around settles down and gets lost in the hustle-bustle of their daily life. You start to miss having a companion to share everything with- moments of laughter, tears, great meals, movie nights, and special holidays. Settling down also entails becoming the center of your man’s life, being doted upon, and in some cases, spoiled rotten. Who wouldn’t want that??

You could argue and say that one can get all this in a relationship as well. Why not stay in a relationship; why get married? The answer is- there is more permanence in marriage. It is knowing that you’re in it for the long haul, not having to deal with the inevitable end of a relationship and the heartbreak that follows. Not to say that marriages don’t have an end! But to end a marriage means the D word- Divorce. A couple in a marriage would try everything to keep it together before they give up and resort to finding a lawyer.

Marriage brings with it perks like regular holidays, which you can plan openly without having to lie to your parents, as you might have done back in the day. In fact couples of today have made it a regular feature to take 3-4 holidays a year. And no one guilt-trips you about it! Being married also means permanent sleepovers with your loved one without all the hiding and sneaking, and no deadlines anymore!

And then come the gifts. A boyfriend wouldn’t buy you a highly expensive watch or piece of jewellry. But as a wife, you are allowed to drop ‘hints’ for special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. Since it’s more permanent, he wouldn’t mind spending that extra bit on you. And with a generous mother-in-law, the gifts your mother refused you saying ‘Save it for when you’re married’ can be asked for then! You wouldn’t have to resort to becoming a Carrie Bradshaw in Sex & The City and demand a pair of Manolo’s from your friends to celebrate your singledom!

Last but not the least, it helps to have someone to hold when you decide to have a nightmare at night, and to tend to you when you’re sick. Parents get fed up of your bouts of viral after 25 years, so it moves over to the spouse to be the next one to molly coddle you.

Regular sex after a certain age is healthy and crucial for overall well being, health and I would add, keeping that skin young and glowing. How long can you do the single rounds at a party, bat your lashes at random men and most of the time, go home alone?

The bottom line is- it is not a sin to want to get married. It’s better to ignore people’s judgments and snide comments. It’s your life at the end of the day, and you decide when and what is right for you. So long as you don’t put yourself on a platter to be served to every man that walks your way, you’ll be on your way to settling down with the right kind of ‘best friend’ who you can share all of the above with, till death do you part! Or divorce.