White Knights and Fairytales do exist

As cynical as some of us are with regard to romance, seeing it happen around me made me realize that real romance does exist in the world of today. The kind that mirrors the old school wooing and courting, romeo-like infatuation and laying it all out for the girl. Through the sea of commit phobic and pompous males, there are those just like the rest of us women who are searching for the real thing. Unfortunately they get downplayed and generalized with the remaining casanovas who ruin the name for the rest of them.

Whether it comes to basic chivalry like getting their girl home safe, always picking up the tab, or planning a trip for 2, there are those who do it all. They are not a myth and exist in full flesh and blood. Yes, being a rare breed they are difficult to suss out at times, and depending on the vibe you give out, you can sometimes attract the opposite evil twin instead. But there are those who've had their share of ‘bad boy’ days and are now ready to settle down with a calm and well-balanced woman.

Definition of your typical white knight- Being around her no matter what the circumstance; be it work, illness or sleep deprivation. Sending her surprise flowers, or ensuring she reaches her door safely because her safety means he can sleep at night. Making her feel like she is the sole center of his life, and if it would come down to it, he would even give up smoking for her. Calling and texting her through the day (Though if a woman did that, it would be considered needy!) All in all, courting her like a lady should be courted. 

One would argue that it’s all a myth and men like this don’t exist anymore, and that real love back in the 70’s and 80’s or movies perhaps was what one lives through vicariously, in hope that we would receive at least 20% of it. 

This cynic begs to differ now. I would think men are done with all the mind games and whole power play. Since they love the chase, why wouldn’t a man want to make a woman feel on top of the world for a day? Or perhaps longer if he decided to drop the whole Mr. Cool act and get into a relationship. The perks he would get- regular sex, home cooked food and laundry on time. Not to mention, good karma.

Agreed the 'good ones' only comes around a few times over a span of one’s life. But this should lift every woman’s hopes that she needn’t settle, and when that casanova decides to control her life, she can confidently tell him to take a walk because the assumed extinct species of men are not quite extinct yet. It’s just about meeting the clichéd Mr. Right when the time is right.

“With the advancements of science may there be cloning of white knights!”

What really keeps it going?

Two pairs of eyes meet across the room. There’s an electric charge, sparks and an attraction that draws those two individuals towards each other. The background around them just seems to fade away. THAT seems to be the definition of ‘love’ or the fairytale romance that women want to settle for today, and nothing less.

Is that why the average married couple lasts 10 months, not even being able to complete the entire 1-year haul? I have been racking my brains trying to figure out WHAT is not making them tick; why two people so in love a year ago cannot stand to be in a room together months after tying the knot?

Are we better off not committing our lives to anyone? Have people become so self sufficient that they don’t need to depend or fall back on someone else for support? What happened to companionship and the lifelong vows that they took?

How then do other couples manage to move forward, the ones who make it to the finish line? Patience and compromise are the main issues any couple faces today, be it our own parents. But there are other factors that hold the glue together.

People dive into marriages for the wrong reasons only to regret it later. Money. Looks. Infatuation. All of which fly out of the window within a few months, and what you’re left with is what you need to make peace with for the rest of your married life. “Think before you leap” is the usual advice people give. And yet despite that cautionary warning you see divorce rates skyrocketing.

So what is that ‘magic formula’ that keeps it all together?

I have been told that “Best friends before lovers” is what usually does the trick. To be able to be companions and share a friendship that entails trust, humour and mutual respect. In discussions with different women, most of who’ve crossed the 4-year marriage mark, have all had the same thing to say- Love actually does go out of the window! And if you can’t stay friends, well you can’t stay together as a couple either. My dear mother after completing 30 years of marriage with my dad had similar inputs. As much as there were moments of death looks and general disagreements, it was their long-standing friendship that saw them through.

Having said all that, modern times have put us humans to the test, and science has become more predictable than life itself! You can just keep at it and hope for the best.

Still trying to crack that ‘magic formula’ though.

The Dilemma of 30

The number itself makes people cringe. ‘Oh, halfway to sixty’ or ‘Over the hill.’ I had come close to a depressive moment, but only to realize soon enough- I am who I am BECAUSE of 30. The last 30 years have enriched my life with experiences and valuable lessons, all to mould me into a person I would like to be. 5 years ago I didn’t know what I wanted from life, or who I really was. Today, I am ready to take on any challenges that might come my way, all because 30 has prepared me and made me who I am.

Of course, one isn’t always prepared for the worst and people go through the toughest of circumstances. But my point is- 30 is a whole new level of maturity, and if you add fun to it, it’s the best way to live. People are well into their careers, have more spending power and if single, can start living their life to the fullest now. All the studying and schooling is in the past, and one reaps the benefits of it all now.

I wouldn’t be 'me' today had I not gone through the rigmarole of broken relationships, rebellion with the parents, switching jobs, and numerous other experiences over the last 30 years. It's like they all formed a pyramid and base under me, and been the building blocks to making me into this person today. No regrets. I only look forward and welcome the future and what it has to offer me. Whenever the going gets tough, the strength learned from facing different obstacles in the past will pick us up each time and bring us back to our equilibrium.

You might ask, why the number 30? Why not say, 28? I have been told that something clicks inside you when the clock turns 12, and ‘something’ changes when you leave the 20’s behind. I can only guess what that something is. Aside from feeling old (which I never will!) there is a renewed sense of responsibility and wisdom that comes about. Left behind are university days of abusing ones body with alcohol and drugs, and a realization creeps in that one can’t look as gorgeous and young forever. The levels of consciousness rise, and the priorities and the choices we make change.

5 years ago if anyone were to ask me where I would be 5 years from now, I would’ve said married, have my own private practice, and possibly living abroad. I guess none of us are visionaries. The hopes and dreams I had envisaged remained to be hopes and dreams. We as humans set higher standards for ourselves, and as a result we end up feeling disappointed with ourselves.

The present moment is about looking around and appreciating what and who is around you, living a comfortable and stress-free life, because with years to come, only more stress will be added on! To enjoy living with your parents if not married, and appreciating your friends, your freedom and the youth you still have. 30 is just the tip of the iceberg, with so much more to come.

So as the countdown begins, I am more than happy to be turning 30 because I know I have so much more to share with the world. They can learn from my experiences, and I in turn can learn from my past mistakes to know that I won’t make the same in the future.

Welcome to the 30’s! 

             After all, 30’s are the new 20’s!