What really keeps it going?

Two pairs of eyes meet across the room. There’s an electric charge, sparks and an attraction that draws those two individuals towards each other. The background around them just seems to fade away. THAT seems to be the definition of ‘love’ or the fairytale romance that women want to settle for today, and nothing less.

Is that why the average married couple lasts 10 months, not even being able to complete the entire 1-year haul? I have been racking my brains trying to figure out WHAT is not making them tick; why two people so in love a year ago cannot stand to be in a room together months after tying the knot?

Are we better off not committing our lives to anyone? Have people become so self sufficient that they don’t need to depend or fall back on someone else for support? What happened to companionship and the lifelong vows that they took?

How then do other couples manage to move forward, the ones who make it to the finish line? Patience and compromise are the main issues any couple faces today, be it our own parents. But there are other factors that hold the glue together.

People dive into marriages for the wrong reasons only to regret it later. Money. Looks. Infatuation. All of which fly out of the window within a few months, and what you’re left with is what you need to make peace with for the rest of your married life. “Think before you leap” is the usual advice people give. And yet despite that cautionary warning you see divorce rates skyrocketing.

So what is that ‘magic formula’ that keeps it all together?

I have been told that “Best friends before lovers” is what usually does the trick. To be able to be companions and share a friendship that entails trust, humour and mutual respect. In discussions with different women, most of who’ve crossed the 4-year marriage mark, have all had the same thing to say- Love actually does go out of the window! And if you can’t stay friends, well you can’t stay together as a couple either. My dear mother after completing 30 years of marriage with my dad had similar inputs. As much as there were moments of death looks and general disagreements, it was their long-standing friendship that saw them through.

Having said all that, modern times have put us humans to the test, and science has become more predictable than life itself! You can just keep at it and hope for the best.

Still trying to crack that ‘magic formula’ though.