Women in India and New-Age Dating

Dating today has taken on several new versions and upgrades, and can be considered one of the most complicated activities. It’s not the simple eye-gaze or day-out with the person, as it may have been in our parents or grandparents’ times. So many games, rules & egos involved. As if we didn’t have enough stress with work and other worldly problems.

Recently a German friend related his woes on dating Indian girls here. “So when I want to take a girl out on a date, it means her friends are part of the package. I am not interested in making polite conversation with her best friend. My time is dedicated to the girl, but apparently in order to spend time with her, I have to open my mouth and entertain her friends too. It’s so much simpler in Germany, when you can take the girl out alone and then to bed after dinner!” And I’m sure he’s not the last man to feel that way. This is usually the case with the young girls who feel the need to have their posse with them on a date. They feel it’ll go better, but what they don’t realize is, their friends end up knowing the guy better than they do! Eventually the guy loses interest and goes for the best friend instead- Plan backfired!

The bottom line is- the guy wants to date YOU. He wants to get to know YOU. There will eventually be a time when you both will be alone, so why not on the first date? Believe it or not, but boys are equally as nervous as us, if not more!

A culture gap does exist between India and abroad. Women overseas are more sexually expressive and open about their sexuality. In India, sex is still considered taboo and not so openly discussed. Even the most modern women hold back on the first date. It has something to do with the beliefs we’ve been brought up with. It is ironic however that the Kamasutra originated from here!

Sex is a basic need, like hunger. No one admits it but everyone needs it. There is a constant battle with women in India between fulfilling that need and keeping with their values and belief systems. Not so much a case in the west.

Having said that, the dynamics do seem to be changing a bit. Many successful women in their late 30’s prefer not to get into the whole dating game and have multiple partners instead. Work is their main focus and they choose not to delve into the stresses of a serious relationship. Referring to those women with high-powered jobs who may never end up taking a husband. If they have access to what they need, when they need it, why not choose that life?

But at some point the loneliness creeps in, when everyone else around is following the ‘norm’ of having babies, settling down and being the good housewife. Even if a woman is successful and settled financially, she can’t help but feel like the odd one out. In India especially, one is almost frowned upon if you're not in conformity with the 'norm'.

This constant tug between trying to follow the ideals of the west and at the same time holding onto their ‘Indian values’ is a battle Indian women face today. But really, in the end it’s about being your confident self and not worrying about the whispers around you. If you can mange to hold your head high in this twisted society, you have accomplished half the battle. Expectations can be a bitch, especially if they are not set by you.