Book of Rules

A simple thing like finding a partner comes with a book of rules. Everyone is looking to meet that ‘right’ person. But there seems to be a set of rules to follow, imparted on us by society and our parents. It’s all the conditioning, which results in internal conflict within an individual- a tug between our inner wants and what society demands of us.

For parents, the obvious worry is their son or daughter’s long-term happiness. They know kids of today don’t have room for compromise anymore. The rule book then becomes more voluminous. Money? Looks? Family background? Joint family? Education? Career? These are just the main dealbreakers that almost every person looks at before jumping into a long-term commitment. Then come the sub-breakers, which differ from person to person. Does he have a temper? Has he been divorced? History with women? Big nose, ugly hands. Any excuse to delay that impending decision of getting hitched with a stranger.

We are discussing arranged marriages here because in today’s society it has become a norm and not so frowned upon anymore. Parents want good families and their daughter’s choice of boy doesn’t seem to sit well with them.

Thus. with this book of rules romance is thrown out of the window. All the wooing, light flirting and ‘romancing’ is preceded by whether the boy will fit in well with the girl and her family, and then they can fall in love. And especially if the fit is good, well then they just have to.

But then one can look at it this way- if there wasn’t a book of rules, would there be more failed marriages? Possibly yes. The threshold of patience amongst young couples today is very minimal. A pre-planned match would probably see itself through a longer stretch of time, by matching all the elements for each individual. I am not talking about Astrology. That is a concept that has not penetrated my belief filter yet. If two kids with a similar upbringing, parental background and group of friends got married, chances are that union would last, simply because the two would understand each other better. Fewer reasons to compromise.

So that precious book of rules, as much as it is cursed by me and thousands of other people, plays an important role in marriage today. We difficult, rigid individuals need to play by this book of rules, or we’ll end up lost in the middle of a desert not knowing how and why we got there in the first place!

"Till death do us part? Or till however long I can stand you?”